Have you ever considered why is it that people get into arguments? Two people don’t have the save viewpoint or opinion about a certain topic and want the other person to believe what they believe, to see their point of view. Why is this? Why do people want other people to share in their beliefs and perspectives? Could it simply be that we want to be on the same team/to share a particular outlook?

Consider sports teams and the powerful camaraderie that is created by being a fan. There are so many components that come along with this shared feeling. To a great extent, fans of sports teams share the emotional arch that comes with the experience of following their team through the season – the close calls, the big upsets, unexpected losses, and much more. All of this together creates a story that a fan very closely follows and also feels deeply. Not only does the sports team behave as a unit, the fans become a team of sorts, a group deeply dedicated to the well-being of both of these teams or just, “the team.” Great commitments are made in order to stay in touch with and follow closely the team.

Why does this feel so natural for so many of us? Why are we so often drawn to becoming a part of a team? I posit that being a part of the team speaks to that deep, primal, mammalian essence we all carry within us. Mammals are social animals that require social bonds in order to stay alive and to grow. Therefore, we yearn to be a part of groups where we can bond and share ideals and the feelings that surround those ideals. The feelings that we have about something like a sports team are what allows us to share the experience. You feel excited that your team made it into the playoffs or sad that they lost the big game – it’s a lot easier to have these feelings when you know they are being shared with others, you’re not alone with this feeling. Eventually, you and the other fans will shift into whatever the next most appropriate feeling is – the acquisition of a really promising player or some kind of divisional shift that gives your team an advantage in the coming season, these things would build up the excitement of what may happen for the team, something to look forward to.

So how does this relate to why people argue? Before any intellectual, critical or analytical thought arises, we have a sense deep within us that we should be on the same team, the mammalian team if you will. Once we start feeling that someone else doesn’t share this feeling with us, we start trying to convince them and this often leads to arguing. But… it’s not because we dislike the other person. It is in fact because we don’t want to be in a disagreement with them, we want to share in the experience of having this feeling, so we fight for it. Yet, because we don’t realize this urge is coming from a deep sense of how we are both humans, both seeking to share in this experience, arguments are commonly seen as adversarial and therefore, we see the other person as if they are on the other team.

This is why I likely get into arguments, simply because I want to share the feeling of the experience, and not because I harbor some deep seated adversarial thoughts towards to the other person even if on the surface that’s what it feels like. There are so many things out in the world telling us whose team to be on and how to feel about the other team. The onslaught is constant, sometimes debilitating and can cause us to give in, give up or step away all together. I truly believe that we do not seek to be on opposing teams, even if politics, capitalism and so many other parts of society keep trying to coerce us into believing this. In actuality, we are one species seeking union, seeking love and seeking acceptance. If we could see others from this point of view then maybe we would realize that people simply what to share experiences and feel that deep sense of mammalian camaraderie.

Thank you for reading.

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