Today is day 72 of the 90 day blog challenge I assigned to myself. I’m starting to feel the length of that time. While it is a healthy challenge of sorts it is also wearing on me, on who I think I am and who I actually am. In more direct terms, there is an allure in presenting publicly that makes me want to showcase myself in a particularly way, and I’m not sure that I’m always being as up front as I would like to be. For example, there have been moments of sadness, sometimes very difficult to sit with, that I have sat with and felt to the very deepest parts of me. This is not something that I really want to broadcast, yet it is true, and… it is ok. It is easy to get caught in the curation of the self and to not share what might really be happening especially when doing so everyday.
But, I am a human, and a pretty emotional one to boot. I take great education from how my emotions guide me through life and show me the unexpected twists and turns of my soul and how it relates to the world. While at times murky and through much trudging, there is a kind of beauty that emerges as I let this endless variety of deep resonances have a place in my life. Part of the mystery of being here in this human form on this planet is to find a richness, an infinite depth within so that I may find space in my heart for the many others who live here with me. I truly want that and do not want to avoid sharing my actual thoughts and feelings, including the challenging ones, in addition to the fun, wild, profound, silly and fascinating ones. They are all valid, all a part of my human experience and all make up my quirky mind, body and spirit.
So there it is, some simple truths about more of me, more of the things that sit inside and make up the daily versions of me. It is intriguing to be ok with such a variety of thoughts, and I suppose it is what grants me the desire to make music, to want to listen to others’ stories, to hug trees, to make faces at animals and to dance with children. If these possibilities were not here, I’m not sure what I would do. Thank you for hearing the other parts of my arch. I do hope you all feel the chances to share yourselves as fully as possible and know that you are heard.