Lately, it feels like I’m learning all the time or evolving, or however best describes progressing through life whilst detecting subtle shifts and developments of the self. Though it is hard to provide an appropriate vocabulary for these nuances, I can attempt a few words around the feeling of these changes. What comes to mind is that of a shape, an amorphous clay-like existence ever-morphing through an adaptive form. The filtering process of experience and knowledge join into the mixture of ingredients that come to form my being, how I think, behave and move.
Instead of clutching to ideas and impressions, it seems that life passes through and generatively refreshes and/or guides me. At times, it feels alien and other times it feels warm and close. This will likely be the most concerted thought I give it, though I feel the appreciation of giving these feelings voice as I write. In conjunction with letting the prism of my being be a focalization of experience, each day music is constantly ebbing and flowing just below the surface ready to emerge as soon as time allows. As if the vibrations that sit at the nucleus of each cell, each molecule have found their voices and are getting in line so that they each take a turn to create a new piece.
If this is now life, then let’s do it. I do not expect this to last forever, yet as long as this creative source is so close, I will let it put forth as much as it has to offer. I’m at its beck and call. The song of the self is a teacher, a capable guide to inner truth and summary of my life, and quite possibly more. The shape of me, the shape of things to come, as I now realize that I’m quoting both H.G. Wells and Ornette Coleman when citing that phrase, are anyone’s guess. And why not, what is there to know, it’s all possible and it feels like I’ve climbed up through the ground in some origin story where life is only just beginning. And so, here I am… let’s go.
“The Shape of things to Come” by Ornette Coleman, full album